“Immortality with Calypso sounds like a very good arrangement.”
— English professor on The Odyssey
“I always go to the bibliography first to see if I’m included… and if not I close the book.”
— Literature professor
“Is PSETs a class?”
— Arts and Humanities Administrator
“Genocide is a crime under international law, which the civilized world condemns.”
— History professor making an egregious modification error
“You don’t see doves in a hurricane.”
— English professor on Dante’s Inferno
“Have a cookie—think about coming to lecture often.”
— Desperate History TF in Section
“I love these graphs—maybe because I’m a graduate student. I have a couple of them on my fridge.”
— Same Desperate TF 10 minutes later
“There are other opportunities for VES concentrators besides… you know, begging in the street.”
“We call that busking.”
— Arts and Humanities Administrators
“Why’s he all worked up about nature? Nobody knows what nature is anymore…”
—Literature Professor
“I like Emma. I think she’s a sweetie.”
— Section Kid on Jane Austen’s intolerable protagonist
“Ethics in art is a no-no…good feelings make bad literature.”
— Literature professor
“Everything you said is true, plus what I said.”
— Literature professor on alternative interpretations
“People don’t throw in the word ‘Hitler’ just as a pun.”
— English professor on questionable language
“The letter D, which suggests a surrealist landscape of death...”
— Section Kid doing an extravagant reading of a single letter
“I know about the Holocaust; it was shitty.”
— Inappropriately blasé Section Kid
“Let’s just take the obscure and explain it in terms of the unintelligible.”
— Philosophy TF
“And people think literary theory is not influential!”
— Literature preceptor on HUDS “Deconstructed Chicken Kabobs”
“That’s a very pragmatic question. We don’t want pragmatism here.”
— Literature professor
“We’ve arrived at the horrible conclusion that it’s better to steal from people who give gifts to you.”
— Philosophy professor
“Moral philosophers are constantly pitching hypothetical children into ponds.”
— Philosophy professor