A lot has changed since I graduated from college in 1982. Not big things. John Harvard’s statue still watched over us in the Yard, repeating those three reckless lies. But his toe was a little less shiny. His attire, slightly more contemporary.
For this comedy issue, I wanted to discuss some of the small ways dorm life has changed. And to make sure that you—Generation Buzzfeed—can understand, I put it in a list.
16 Things In My Dorm Room That You Wouldn’t Find Today
- The most advanced technological writing system known to man: the IBM Correcting Selectric™ Typewriter with High Yield Correctable Film Ribbon and IBM lift
- Onion paper: thin, erasable typing paper
- Wite Out Correction Fluid: because the onion paper never really worked
- The Bourne Identity: the book, not the dvd
- Record player and the just-released Elvis Costello My Aim Is True album: roommate named “Alison” who wouldn’t stop playing Alison optional
- A boyfriend: check it, we had actual relationships
- Landline telephone: yes, we had to wait by the phone; the phone didn’t wait by us
- The Paris Review: pretentious Advocate editors only
- Rags that we used once a month: c’mon, for cleaning the bathroom. It wasn’t that long ago. We had tampons.
- The original Facebook
- Tab: diet soda that’s not readily available but you can approximate the taste by dissolving a dishwasher tablet in eight ounces of water.
- Rape kit: a box of tissues and a “Hang In There” kitty poster
- A Brief History of Time: still unread
- The classic Harvard chair: still uncomfortable
- Envelopes for mailing letters to parents that we never got around to writing
- Eye contact with fellow humans: a wonderful practice that you just missed out on