Courtesy of Nell Scovell

A lot has changed since I graduated from college in 1982. Not big things. John Harvard’s statue still watched over us in the Yard, repeating those three reckless lies. But his toe was a little less shiny. His attire, slightly more contemporary.

For this comedy issue, I wanted to discuss some of the small ways dorm life has changed. And to make sure that you—Generation Buzzfeed—can understand, I put it in a list.

16 Things In My Dorm Room That You Wouldn’t Find Today

1. The most advanced technological writing system known to man: the IBM Correcting Selectric™ Typewriter with High Yield Correctable Film Ribbon and IBM lift
2. Onion paper: thin, erasable typing paper
3. Wite Out Correction Fluid: because the onion paper never really worked
4. The Bourne Identity: the book, not the dvd
5. Record player and the just-released Elvis Costello My Aim Is True album: roommate named “Alison” who wouldn’t stop playing Alison optional
6. A boyfriend: check it, we had actual relationships
7. Landline telephone: yes, we had to wait by the phone; the phone didn’t wait by us
8. The Paris Review: pretentious Advocate editors only
9. Rags that we used once a month: c’mon, for cleaning the bathroom. It wasn’t that long ago. We had tampons.
10. The original Facebook
11. Tab: diet soda that’s not readily available but you can approximate the taste by dissolving a dishwasher tablet in eight ounces of water.
12. Rape kit: a box of tissues and a “Hang In There” kitty poster
13. A Brief History of Time: still unread
14. The classic Harvard chair: still uncomfortable
15. Envelopes for mailing letters to parents that we never got around to writing
16. Eye contact with fellow humans: a wonderful practice that you just missed out on